Divorce or separation

Physical violence includes, for example, 

• pushing
• pulling someone's hair
• strangulation
• kicking
• beating
• threats of violence.

Mental violence includes, for example, 

• subordination
• control
• name calling
• disparagement
• breaking objects. 

Sexual violence is sexual acts without the consent of the other.  For example, it could be forcing into sex. If your spouse prevents your independent use of money, it is economic violence.

Read more about identifying violence at Nollalinja.fiOpens in a new window..

• If you have been a victim of violence, seek medical advice even if you have no visible injuries.
• Report the crime to the police. For example, violence, threats, persecution and defamation are crimes.
• Victim Support Finland provides you with support and advice if you have been, or suspect that you have been, the victim of a crime. 

• All parties to violence are assisted by the Nettiturvakoti (Online shelter)Opens in a new window..
• Women of immigrant background are assisted by Kriisikeskus Monika crisis centreOpens in a new window. and Turvakoti Mona security homeOpens in a new window..
• Men who are concerned about violence are advised and supported by Miessakit association’s Men who have experienced violence activity (in Finnish)Opens in a new window..
• Women, girls and their families who are concerned about violence are advised and supported by Naisten LinjaOpens in a new window..
• If the violence and threatening situations are related to substance use, you can also receive help from the Sininauhaliitto network (in Finnish)Opens in a new window..
• Persons subjected to violence and persecution after their relationship has ended, can get help from the varjosta.fi website (in Finnish) of the Tukikeskus Varjo support centreOpens in a new window..

It is important that you take personal responsibility for your behaviour. Help is available for recognising and changing your violent behavioural patterns:

• Nettiturvakoti (Online shelter)Opens in a new window. helps all parties involved in violence.
• Miessakit Association’s Lyömätön LinjaOpens in a new window. support activities are aimed at men who have used, or are afraid that they will use, violence against their loved ones. 
• Maria Akatemia's Naisenväkivalta.fi website (in Finnish)Opens in a new window. helps women who have concerns about their own use of violence.

The safety plan allows you to prepare in advance for the divorce or separation situation.

When making a safety plan, consider at least the following: 

• Which are quick and safe routes to leave your home.
• Where you can escape to if it's not safe at home. Can you, for example, get to a trusted loved one? 
• You can always go to the nearest shelter. Find out the location and number of the shelter in advance.
• What is a safe room you can go to when you anticipate that violence will begin? Select a room with an exit.
• Who can you tell about violence and agree to call for help?
• For what reason can you leave home before the situation becomes threatening? Can you, for example, take out the garbage or take a dog for a walk?
• Make sure that there is always fuel in your car's tank.
• Keep shoes that are easy to put on next to the front door.
• It is a good idea to go through the safety plan with a trusted friend or an employee specialising in violence. 
• For help, contact Victim Support Finland, the Online Shelter or Nollalinja. 
• Keep the plan in a place where your spouse cannot find it.
• Remember to update and review the safety plan from time to time.

If you have children, the safety plan should also apply to them. You can also draw up a safety plan for the child, but it must be prepared from the child's premises. 

Please note these when preparing a safety plan related to children:

• Discuss violence at home with children and how to act in an emergency. 
• Tell the children that you may have to leave home quickly and what things they should take with them (for example, an important bedtime toy).
• Plan how to take them with you safely in threatening situations.
• Teach the children what to do in a threatening situation. Teach the children to call the emergency number (112) and tell them where to go.
• Think in advance of a code, such as a word or symbol, that you or your child can use as a sign to each other, so that they can call for help, if necessary.
• It may also be necessary to inform the child's daycare centre or school employees about the family's situation. This may include, for example, who may pick the child up from daycare.

You can prepare to flee quickly from home by pre-packing a safety bag and thinking where you can store it. 

Pack the following items in the bag, for example 

• spare keys for car and home
• money
• backup telephone
• medicines
• a change of clothes
• toiletries 
• Important documents, such as identification documents, prescriptions, online banking codes, insurance documents, child health clinic cards, pay certificates.

Help for clarifying your thoughts is available in many places, such as Eron ensiapupisteet (First aid stations for divorces) operating in different localities. You can visit these support stations alone or with your partner. You can find the contact information of the first aid stations and many other services from the Apuaeroon.fi websiteOpens in a new window..

You can also receive help from private psychotherapists.

You can discuss the situation of your relationship in professional discussion assistance and couples therapy. You can also seek therapy alone. Free professional conversational therapy and couples therapy are provided by wellbeing services counties and Kirkon perheasiain neuvottelukeskukset (Counselling Centres for Family Matters of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland).

See also the support services for intercultural families produced by FamiliaOpens in a new window. (all services available also in English).

The couples therapy services by private operators are subject to a charge. You should find out whether you are eligible for Kela's rehabilitation allowance for couples psychotherapyOpens in a new window..

Free help in resolving your conflicts is available through family mediation. It is provided by wellbeing services counties and organisations. The mediation services are available to you whether you end up divorcing or breaking up or continue in your relationship.