Impacts of substance use or gambling on interpersonal relations

The harmful use of drugs may affect the lives of your loved ones or other relationships at the workplace and in your hobbies. Even if people close to you have never spoken to you about this, they will probably have noticed your problem. Some relationships may have been completely broken.

Many people who have recovered from substance abuse tell that the recovering person must be open and humble with those close to them so that trust can be restored to relationships. Indeed, some forms and trends of rehabilitation include examining relationships and admitting your negligence and mistakes to those close to you.

Your loved ones may be strained and exhausted after having lived with a person engaging in the harmful use of drugs. They may want to hide the problem and feel ashamed and guilty, even if there is no reason to do so. Family members may need support to understand that another person’s problem is not their fault. 

Read more:

• Section for your loved ones at Addictionlink (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Stories by loved ones at Addictionlink (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Support for your loved ones on the Ehyt ry website (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Irti huumeista ry’s support for your loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• The Finnish Blue Ribbon organisation’s activities for the loved ones of substance abusers (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Mielenterveystalo's self-help program for a loved one of a young drug user (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.

Children perceive and sense more than adults think. Children exposed to substance abuse often feel insecure even if there is no physical threat.

Sometimes older children start taking responsibility for an adult. The child or adolescent may seem energetic on the outside, but they can still be burdened by the situation.

Even if the parent's substance abuse has already ended, the child or adolescent may need support in dealing with the matter.

Read more:

• The impact of parents' alcohol use on children (in Finnish) - Mannerheim League for Child WelfareOpens in a new window.
• The effects of parents' alcohol consumption on children (in Finnish) - Lasinen lapsuusOpens in a new window.
• The effects of parents' substance abuse on children (in Finnish) - MentalHub.fiOpens in a new window.

A loved one to a person with substance abuse problems has the right to receive support for their situation. A loved one may receive help from organisations and from social and healthcare of their wellbeing services county.

Group activities, peer support and chat assistance are available for your loved ones, also online: 

• The Addictionlink Kotikanava discussion forum (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Ehyt ry’s substance abuse counselling (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Al-Anon groups for loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Nar-Anon groups for the loved ones of addicts (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• The Finnish Blue Ribbon’s site for loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Lasinen lapsuus website support channels (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Irti huumeista ry’s support for your loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.

Even excessive gambling is not necessarily visible on the outside. It may be difficult for your loved ones to identify excessive gambling, particularly if you have been hiding it. However, your loved ones may notice that something is wrong.

Your loved ones can and may seek help even if you have not admitted to them that you have been gambling.

Revealing a gambling problem is often a shock to those close to you, and they may face a crisis because of it. Your loved ones may feel betrayed and humiliated, especially if gambling has come as a complete surprise to them. A loved one can feel a wide range of emotions, such as anger, concern, shame or lethargy. They may also blame themselves for the situation in vain.

It is important for your loved ones to safeguard their own finances, particularly if you live in the same household. Your loved ones should understand that they are not responsible for dealing with the gambling problem. Your loved ones will often want to help get rid of the gambling problem, but the most important thing for them is to take care of their well-being and coping. It is important that your loved ones not start doing things on your behalf or allow themselves to be used financially. For example, your loved ones should not pay gambling debts, as at worst, this can make you continue gambling.

Sometimes a gambler with a problem can steal another person's money or use their bank codes to obtain credit. In the event of abuse, banks and the judiciary will investigate whether the fraudulent person has kept their credentials carefully. Many people may be surprised that the careful storage means that even family members are not allowed to see the credentials.

• For family and friends - PeluuriOpens in a new window.
• Section for your loved ones - Addictionlink (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Experiences in gambling problems among gamblers and their loved ones

A parent's gambling problem affects the child's life in various ways. The child may sense if the parent is bothered by something or if they become absent-minded. It is difficult for the child to understand why the parent's behaviour changes. Children may also find disputes between parents distressing.

Sometimes older children start taking responsibility for an adult. The child or adolescent may seem energetic on the outside, but they can still be burdened by the situation.

A gambling problem usually impacts children also financially. If the family's money is not sufficient for food or housing, the situation is serious. You can apply for help from the wellbeing services county's social services.

The loved ones of problem gamblers need support, even though the threshold for seeking help may seem high. Conversation with a trusted friend, peer or professional will usually help.

• Peluuri’s helpline and chat will also serve your loved onesOpens in a new window.
• Discussion forum for the loved ones of problem gamblers  - AddictionLink (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• Pelirajaton power weekend for loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• In the Helsinki Metropolitan Area, information and support point Tiltti organises activities also for loved ones (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.

The mental health, substance abuse and addiction services of the wellbeing services counties and the services of the A-Clinics are also aimed at loved ones.

If a loved one has paid the gambling debts or found themselves in payment difficulties, they can receive support for coping with financial matters and planning one's finances. Read more about Help with financial problems or debts.

People react very individually to the problems of their loved ones. It may be that the family or partner has been arguing about substance abuse or gambling for a long time. Help is available if you feel your family needs it.

If there are small children in your family, you can seek help from the family work services or from educational and family counselling of your wellbeing services county.

Help is available for problems within the family, for example in the form of family therapy.

Family therapy (in Finnish and Swedish) - Addictionlink.fiOpens in a new window.

Wellbeing services counties and parishes provide family counselling for couples and families with children who are experiencing conflicts or would otherwise benefit from counselling. 

Family counselling by the Evangelical Lutheran Church (in Finnish and Swedish)Opens in a new window.

Support and counselling is also available for couples and families with children in groups and by telephone:

• Family services and services for adolescents at an A-Clinic (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• The Finnish Blue Ribbon organisation’s separation work services and groups (in Finnish)Opens in a new window.
• The Mannerheim League for Child Welfare Vanhempain puhelin parents’ helpline (in Finnish and Swedish)Opens in a new window.

Couple therapy is available for dealing with the painful issues in relationships and with conflicts caused by problems such as substance abuse or gambling. It is paid therapy that can be purchased from a therapist specialising in couples. Online, you can find information on therapists specialising in couples.

Dealing with problems in a relationship (in Finnish) - Terveyskirjasto Opens in a new window.

Sometimes, the conflicts in the relationship are so serious that the couple or one of the parties no longer has the strength to continue in the relationship.

If your relationship ends or you are considering a separation, see the Divorce or separation guide in Suomi.fiOpens in a new window..