Death of a close family member

The death of a close person shakes the sense of security of a child. Talk to the child about the death as truthfully as you can but take their age and level of development into account.

Do not underestimate the child’s capacity to understand but remember that children understand death quite differently at different ages. Talk about death in simple words and try to answer all the questions the child might have. The answers do not need to be long or detailed.

Keeping the school fully informed is essential because this allows teachers and the adults working in student welfare to monitor the child’s wellbeing and support them. Even if the child does not show any outward signs of mourning, the grief is always present.

If the deceased person is one of the child’s parents, the child may start worrying that the other parent will also die. You can comfort the child by assuring them that the other parent will look after them. Also tell the child about the other close family members who will support the child.

A child in school age or a young person may want to know every detail about the events, illness or accident that led to the parent’s death. The child or the young person has the right to hear about such things and it is important that the persons closest to them tell the facts.

It may be difficult to talk about the matter if the close family member committed a suicide or died as a result of a violent crime. However, it is better for the child or the young person to hear about the matter from their parent than from someone else or to have to guess why the person died.

You should remind the child that the child is not to blame for anybody’s death.

A child or a young person may be unable or unwilling to talk when in mourning. Urge the child to talk about death and to ask questions about it. You should tell the child that all feelings of grief are permitted and to encourage them to show such feelings.

Children and young people may also feel guilty or be afraid after the death of a close family member. To deal with these thoughts, the child needs adults and possibly also professional help.

Support is provided by

• health care and wellness centres and child guidance and family counselling centres
• school psychologists, curators and nurses
• student welfare services
• mental health services for young people
• HUS mentalhub
• family work by social services in wellbeing services counties
• grief organisations
• patient organisations
• specialised youth workers in parishes
• campus priests

On the website Surevan kohtaaminen (Meeting a bereaved person), you can find practical information for supporting children and young people and information about the parties providing such support.Opens in a new window.

The child may also find support and comfort in reading books on this topic written for children and young people. Ask library staff for recommended reading.